worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
