i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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