hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
