I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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