Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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