yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
