his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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