he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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