dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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