Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
