aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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