i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
