my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
