Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
