dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
