exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
