I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
