Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ketchup is God's man juice
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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