I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
