That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
