Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
