I wish I only lived at night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize