I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i think im in europe. pls send help
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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