btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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