Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
