somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
