she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
