There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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