i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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