I'm gonna have a badass scar
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
