if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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