Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
