the condom got lost in my hair
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
