I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
