anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He has the fingertips of a God
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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