They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
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It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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