you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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