Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
