Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
