; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
