i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Randomize
