Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize