I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Randomize
