sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
