You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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