You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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