I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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