I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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