WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize