my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
