So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
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Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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