dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
