You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
