if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Shame - the story of my life.
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