the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize