oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
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No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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