she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
