I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
