Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
