I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
