Pappa wants mamma naked
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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