No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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