at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
