good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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